Release the Craken!

I went to the good old YMCA recently - a few days ago - Jorgenson, the nice one.  Wealthy folks.  Nice cars.  Good looking kids.  Little piece of what I consider Carmel, Indiana right here in Fort Wayne.

I did my normal thing - forgot my towel - so I just meandered on out to the water in my mid-length Speedo, with nothing but goggles in my hand.  I wear what I would consider an 'old man' Speedo that goes half way down your leg.  I stood on the deck and did my normal stretching, arm spins, placed my goggles, grabbed a kick board, and jumped in.  I hate entering water.  I jump up and down a few times to adjust to the temp and then hit it.  Maybe it was when I jumped in?  Anyway, I swam a few lengths freestyle, then turned to do backstroke.  It was just like any other day.  The women's aquatic Zumba class was jumping around, the lanes had people gasping for air, novicely.  I was in my element.  Free.  Free as a bird! Free as a........it was then in all my freedom that I noticed the lifeguard was standing at the end of the lane.  And I thought he made some kind of gesture for me to stop, but I couldn't be sure due to my complete blindness. So I swam back, expecting to be told that they needed to shift the lane lines over or something.  I was happy.  Comfortable.  At peace with myself.  Swimming.  I approached the side of the pool and the life guard leaned down, closely, directly to my face and said in a firm yet panicked tone: "DO YOU REALIZE YOUR SUIT IS COMPLETELY SPLIT UP THE BACK!"   

A little piece of me died that second.  The pool was a stage and I was the only actor standing nude before the entire audience.  I don't know what color I turned, but I felt flushed.  All I could do was smile and say "Uh, no.  I didn't know that.  Can you please bring me a towel?".  It felt like an eternity waiting in that pool, buttocks firmly placed against the wall, waiting for anything to cover up and escape.  Finally he returned.  I wrapped tight. And headed for the door - only momentarily pausing to smile and wave to the older women in the hot tub giving me the thumbs-up sign.

I tell my kids about embarrassing moments. Try to teach them a bit of life and it's short comings. Examples of things that happened to me when I was a kid.  Like when my Mom hemmed my pants for a party with masking tape and the most popular girl in the school pointed out that the tape was failing, miserably, in front of a large crowd.  That was pretty bad.  I thought those moments were done.  Finished.  But life just keeps coming at you....all of it!